Nur Zakuan
writing to a non-audience pleases me.
August 2007 September 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009
there is something brewing. i don't quite know what it is. but, i've been really outa it recently, altho it doesn't quite show.an internal hurricane of sorts.winds blowing in all directions, carryin debris from other parts of another time. and im the lone lalang in a field full of grass. they days seem increasingly longer. the nights , darker.it's been too long, perhaps.someone important verbalised all that i have been silently and persistently pushing to the back of mind, this morning. someone whom i know i can count on for the absolut bare truth. no frills attached. minus ill intentions. plus genuine care. what she said plays on my mind still. for yes, i have realised it. but answers, i have none. maybe its not as complicated as i have made it out to be in my mind. maybe things have been so dull as of late that this is how my idle mind is overcompensating for it's lack of activity/focus.or.. it could be that i'm just... TIRED.push comes to shove. theres something brewing. and instead of showering all with my hot soup of angst. i shall go brew my soup, in a different place, to a different crowd, for a little while. and maybe even try to enjoy eating alone. 
name: popoage: 80place of residence: upstairsspeciality: saying the cutest things ever. sometimes.family dinners are a rarity in my family. it's just one of those events that you have this half/half feeling about. you sorta look forward to it but at the same time. you just dont. like.. really. why, you ask?imagine this. 90% of the time. its an female affair. grandma. aunt.mom.sister.aunt.female cousins.yes. that just about wraps it up.somehow, an innocent discussion always turns into a potential debate or a general sense of uneasiness around the table. cousins start sms-ing each other wishing it would end. hmm. ok. iv managed to make my family sound thoroughly dysfunctional. although im not denying anything. but yeah. whose isnt?yesterday was no different.topic: popo's 80th bday in july1) no one wanted to bring it up2) popo said - i will leave it up to you to decide/plan for/organie3) BUT... i dont want to invite bla bla bla. only bla bla bla. oh.. but you organise la. i only want... bla bla bla.... no.. not like that.. oh.. but you organise la. somehow the conversation steered to my pot belly"Nur. i told you to start wearing a corset. then your belly wont stick out so much""But Popo. I thought you said it was prosperous""-_-"and thats when the sms-ing began.my popo never had the opportunity to really attend school, much to her distaste. nevertheless, she's a very smart woman. too smart. she learnt english all on her own, with the help of Grandpa (her English husband + my step grandfather). but i guess this mustv been something she just picked up" they are all datins & puans sris & high ranking people. not like me. i'm just a small fly"*silence*and the smsing continued.tomorrow is Chap Goh Mei. last day/ 15th day of the Chinese New Year.We have another family dinner.let's steer away from my belly now shall we?bring on the fly instead :)
i've always been mostly apolitical thru out my 24 years. not entirely by choice, but perhaps more of just a certain lack of interest, and exposure during my formative years. mom's never been into politics. we've always been the, "OK la. it's time to vote. who to vote for? duno, dun care. just vote BN" .
but this year, it's gonna be different.
although politics will NEVER, and mark my words here, NEVER be my thing. id rather wear a turban, ride a kapcai, and work in a 24 hr mamak stall than become a politician in this country. yes, that's how strongly i feel about NEVER beign involved in local politics. iv come to realise as of late, that perhaps it does have more of an impact on my daily life than iv cared to notice before this.
for that, id like to personally give my thanks to those who have somewhat shown me the light. Meesh lead the troupe. And has become someone I do truly admire for her undying passion, relentless commitment & all her initiative & effort she has put in for all she believes in.
Gosh, I don't think I've ever written so much about another person in my blog before. haha.
But point is, I've told her personally before & I will say it again, Thank You & that I do admire all that you have done. You will be someone great someday. Heck! You already are :)
This year. I registered to vote. And I absolutely intend to exercise that right, even though my vote will be only one in millions that come thru. The point is, that I did my part & that small molehills can someday become mountains. More people of our generation are becoming more aware of their responsibility as a voter/citizen. It's quite amazing, really. More people I personally know are making the effort to register to vote. People who previously couldn't give a rat's arse, but who now do. Fine. Our votes may not make up the numbers needed to completely sway the next governing body, BUT.... it's a start.
Other noble efforts to be noted
1) Facebook groups - VotED , Deny Barisan Nasional a 2/3 Majority in the Upcoming Election , Registered Voters : Malaysians Aged 25 and Under.
2) Blog posts - "How do you vote?", "'It's on! Fellow MAlaysians, let's rock the vote" - on youth voting,
3) Check if your registration got thru, yo - Checking of electoral roll for 12th General Election
4) News - The Star on "Malaysia Decides 2008"
5) The Election Commission of Malaysia
6) New articles by really good, experienced journalists at Malaysia Votes
ooh nur, so serious la this post.
haha. yeah well, it's a pretty serious subject.
strangely enough, John Mayer's - 'Waiting on the world to change' song comes to mind when i think of voting in this country.
maybe... its because we keep on waiting, that nothing is gonna change.
so, for this time. let's make it different.
on another note . i was SO MEGA plastered the past weekend. think lapsap, TAG + house party. 3 nites in a row. god dammit. i really do think i'm superwoman. haha
im smiling secretly for now.i will not get too excited till i see it in b&w.but i do want to say one thing.my boss.is an angel sent from above.i fckin love that womanThank You Godand Thank You Boss lady *hearts*
god. everything is just weird nowadays.
maybe its an end of the year thing.
you know how they have these seasons for occurrences like.. the 'jom break up/make up' seasons, the 'omg everyones pets are dying' season, the 'come lets fight n fall out 4 no reason' season and oh yes.. the 'fck this shit, im sick again' season.
yes. i am sick again.
how did you guess?
-_-
iv been coughin my lungs out for the past week and more. its so bad at times that i cough out my dinner, unintentionally of course. save your worries for i love my food too much to waste it all on my toilet bowl :)
even tho i AM THAT fat already
-______-
yes i am aware of that fact. and yes i am workin on it oh kay
so here's my fitness regime that i swear im gona stick to *crossin my fingers behind my back JUST IN CASE so i wont get struck by lightning or sthg just in case tak jadi*
monday - futsal nite (except im too sick to go tonite so im excused) tues - gymmin w ida wed - hiphop + capoeira thurs - okla.. break nite fri - TAG-in ( yes that is counted as exercise ok.. with LOTS of hydration *grins*) sat - paintball sun - rest day
yay! now that, thats all settled. all i gota do now is.. to stick to it !
*mutters to self... god, who am i kiddin here?*
BUT.. i can TRY oh kay! T-R-Y !
u know wats REALLY REALLY weird. actually. its not.
im just really not in the mood to write. or do anything really. at the moment.
im in one of those.... im annoyed cos i duno wat the hell i want , who the hell i want, what to do with myself, im neither here nor there, sorta moods.
fck. this sucks shit. im outa here. *bleah*
***
Ok. that post was written 2 months ago.i just never posted it.
bad net connection.
its funny tho. 2 months down the road. and i find myself in a somewhat similar frame of mind.
its the beginning of the year.
ppl are hooking up. heck! some have taken it a step further by getting engaged.
question.
why is it when you meet an old friend. 80% of the time , this is what you hear
"so, you seeing anyone? ..."
"no"
"why not?"
" i duno. no one interests me much"
iv been taking some time to meet up with some old friends from my many past phases in life - highschool - pre u college days - uni mates - bumming days.
its all good yeah. but frankly.. its tiring.
having to tell the same story 10 times over.
how you really like your job.
how you just got a promotion.
how you're trying to get fit.
bah!
and after all that.
i. am. just. tired.
"but sometimes. we just need me time" she said
she is wise.
a good friend she trusted recently betrayed her. ok fine.
perhaps betrayed is too strong a word. point is. that person's actions upset her.
and made her lose her trust in that 'friend'.
i want her to know , that i think she is special.
im still fat.
im still coughing.
i need a break.
if you do wonder where i am, in the next few weeks.
i am around. im just not here.
i will return .
when that haze in my head has cleared.
and that body of mine has rested.
but for now
nur is out please leave a message after the beep...
*gaspin for air*i. am. still. alive.it's like God has suddenly flipped on the 'accelerate' switch on my life, and its now travelling at the speed of light. i like it. i like it alot.although i sometimes wonder if i've got all it takes to hold on for the ride.when is it too much? when is it not enough?these days it's like. ooh, what else can i take on? yeah, let me do that too. and that. and that. and that.god help me for i am no multi-tasker. even tho at times. i think im superwoman.now. is one of those times. fly
its been so crazy busy...crazy balls 4 me recently.
in all aspects.
no time to blog. no time to sleep. plus my pc at home is down. again.
so yes. just a 2 min blog to say that...
YES YES YES... IT'S OFFICIAL
i passed the big 'test'. im signed the papers.
im hired :)))))
my love to all who put up w my unnerving paranoia in the past week
u know who you are
and
i want you to know that i do appreciate you
muchos love
NUR