Nur Zakuan
writing to a non-audience pleases me.
August 2007 September 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009
"life isn't always a competition, you know"
i said that to someone recently. and i meant it.
even tho it's always nice to win, to feel better than others.
when that desire to win becomes overtly obssessive, it really is time to step back.
i mean come on. we all want to do well. we all want to win. but god dammit..
take a chill pill wontcha?
cos frankly, im good with a lil competition. but when ppl start gettin a bit too serious , it really gets to me.
like now.
chill the fuck out, wont u?
it really is irking the life outa me
and no, don't be perasan. it's not always about you
bianca says so
she is so right
i am going postively crazy ballistic balls psycho gila babi NUTSSSSS at work
gahhhhhhhh
n the worst part is...
its not the real work work thats getting to me
its all this extra curricular bullshit that i got myself into
bloody sports captain la....
annual dinner committee la...
away day committee la...
community building organising chairperson la...
AND....
i suck at multi-tasking
superduper fan-fuckin-tastic right?
ya i know
-_-
n now.. if i had hair that was any longer
it wldv gone massive albert einstein fro on me by now!
GOD i need a drink
more than a few drinks
nevermind
a few more hours then... im goin to zouk's 4th anny thing with kanch+fai+joyce etc
( my colleague's super CASUAL friday t-shirt that im so envious of . she's a project manager who has retired from her clubbing days. i love my company )
then dave's comin to TAG n hopefully that soon to be bar owner in krabi ozzie madman of an ex neighbour colleague of mine will go crazy at the bar cos its bonus week and by 2am, i wouldv completely forgotten abt all this bullshit thats goin thru my head now
GILALALLALALALALALALALALALA
n oh god.. the talkin to myself has started
this is only the beginning i tell u
bee n me at work. she sits to my left. she's an angel .
thank god i have her around nowadays
so she can keep me sane n we can take stupid photos of each other at our cubicles at work, as above
im still partially deaf in one ear.
im wondering if its a delayed after effect of standin . ok fine . i lie. i wasnt JUST standing.
i was prancing around maniacally. next to the speakers at steve aoki on sat.
which was... *gasp gasp*
beyond amazing
and trust me. i do not gush about events much
id say, in the past 2 weeks tho.. first Sunburst , n then Steve Aoki , set the bar at a level that could rival koh phangan's full moon party (based on KL standards of course).
aaah. so perhaps KL does have hope
apart from the whole new cabinet + new MPs n stuff
we have hope :)
to someday be amongst the ranks of the Bangkoks & Bali Asian party destinations :)
more pics from sunburst etc later
im at work now :P
ooh.. n bee is 1 foot away .. actually.. starin over my shoulder as i type this
*huuuuuuuuuuuuuugs*
n im listenin to his album.. his personally autographed cd - courtesy of Bianca Leeeeeeeee
haha
over the edge why don't you?test my limits. draw on my generosity. exploit my goodwill. and ultimately piss me off.its a struggle for me, to be the way i am nowadays. nice, that is. iv spent one year too many as a bitch in my formative years, that its easy to draw upon those snide remarks and cock-eyed stares which showcase the true queen bitch that used to be me, back in the day. hence, excuse the attitude. but you asked for it. last time, too bitchy.now... too nice.tak habis2 i swear. ugh. perhaps im over compensating. or maybe i really am that nice.whatever it is. that really isnt the point of this post. i am here to vent out my frustrations. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgghhhhyes. that way.i have decided that... i do not want to be so nice to everyone anymore.that i shall be very picky about who i am nice to. yes. that's right. when you are too nice...people step all the fuck over you.they take you for granted. and at this very moment in time. i am feeling very.... STUPID. trick me once, fine. trick me twice, im the fool now aint i?iv been used.heck! we all have been. but seriously. its so not cool. iv been used kao kao kaoooooooooo , like i cannot accentuate more on the KAO! cos that person found my achilles heel & exploited it to no end. BUT. no more. or at least. thats what i told myself la. then just now. it happened again. although, the 'perpetrator' this time wasn't nearly half as skillful as the one i spoke of before. elements of similar foulplay reeked from ... that person whose gender & name i shall omit for .. well... 'asian save face' purposes. plus. iv also learnt to recognise those traits la. denial is like the strong undercurrent beneath this watery surface of niceness that engulfs me. the best friend says that i always seem to want to see the best in people. try to find that teeny tiny ounce of goodness within their hearts, even tho its plain for the world to see that not everyone possesses such qualities, nor are they worth my time of day . i TRY to believe that there is some good in everyone.oh how naive i be. still. and so i sit up at 10 to 1. typing this post in frustration because i let myself down again.*smacks self in head*
i walk amongst the thousands. and yet i walk alone.
eh nur, you closed your blog down ar?
huh? no la. i just changed the website address thing (coming from someone who works in IT btw)
why? u wana make it private is it?
for what? not as if anyone reads it in the first place
nola. saja. cos i felt like it
so there
for absolut shits n giggles. i changed my blog address
:D
ok, im off to capoeira in a bit
lapar gila sial
grrrrrrrrr
i don't understand how some people can skip meals when they'r working.
i . just. cant.
i ate all of 6.5 hours ago. and i am famished beyond belief.
plans for tonite start at half nine. its half six now.
godddamit.
if i go home.
nah, scrap that. i dont feel like going home.
cos if i do. nanti i malas to come out again.
but i MUST MUST MUST
me is meeting haley tonite to grill her on her JKT knowledge.
the SUNS are hittin Jakarta in... holy fuck.. 2 weeks time!
oooo shit. i havent even applied for leave yet. haha
we don't have a place to stay
and yeah . haha.
what we do have tho ...
1) flight tickets
2) big gargantuous ambitious plans of making music videos
3) talk of goin to some 24/7 club which has a roof that opens up as the sun rises with cheap hotel rooms that go by the hour upstairs >.<
4) more talk of how much fun we are going to have
5) count of who is bringin what kind of bag (eg:- nurul - trolley, bianca - backpack)
6) stupid nicknames for the trip (read: Nurul - miss trolley etc)
and...
an empty itinerary
so...
im sittin at my cubicle
the one that will be the one next to bianca lee's come next Monday
oo oooooo i can hardly wait!
with work to do
no mood to do it
a hungry tummy to feed
no food to fill it with
its been a long day
and im feeling random again
i have 3 colleagues with very similar names
juliana (my cousin who is chinese)
juliana (my team mate who is machi like me)
joo lee
then there are
christine (my boss)
christine (the girl who temporarily sits next to me)
kristian (the white guy who sits 2 seats ahead of me)
plus 2 stevens, 2 nuruls (excluding my twin), 2 bens.
BUT.. omg. only ONE NUR !!!
muahahahaha. this is a first.
okla. there are some nurs. but none of them go by that name :D
see.. so what if i share the same name as 5 million other malaysians?
at least there are none in my 22 person dept
nah! ambik kau
oh ya. i got sunburst-ed. was super duper awesome cool
but malas to blog abt it. since everyone else is alrdy
i meant to blog abt the elections
but.. also malas
im hungry
but im also too malas to do anything about it
okla. im so malas i shall stop here
i was so emo yesterdayi got my period todaycheh!boss not around today. can chill 4 abit.but work load is still piling up. had a list of things to do yesterday. instead of doing em. i had a brand new URGENT list to complete.i hate ppl who ask me stupid questions just for the sake of asking something or making conversation.i understand that some people are plain dumb & cant help it.but for qualified professionals with 10 times more experience than I have?you have no excuse okdo i look like your bloody PA to you?geeezmore random thoughtsim thinkin of wearin bunny ears when i MC next week's Easter Lunch event that i'm organising for. that will make them double think why they put me as team lead for community events. hahalooney on the loosecant wait for bee to join us. she will sit exactly 5 ft away from me. and i can kacau her on IM, msn and f2f 24/7 :) till she gets so muak of me, like how i feel about jco donuts nowo yes. i had donuts yesterday. i was feeling generous despite my rather broke disposition.i brought donuts to the officeeveryone likes me better now :)so apparently mom bullshitted us again.she told me n Nisa that, since she's an O (btw, we are talkin abt blood types here) , and Dad was an AB... one of us was A, and the other B. and at age 24, im proud to report that i finally found out my blood type for real. i. am. an. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAreported to lil-big sis Nisa, only for us to have minor msn squabble this morning over which one of us was blood type Ashe insisted she was, and i was a B and me, the opposite. then we finally came to the conclusion that it was prob mom bullshittin her way thru again.and so NOW u know why we are like this lamoms got us confused n brainwashed since we were youngserious thought.. i wonder what my life would be like, or what i would be like as a person if he was still around. and NO, it s not the same HE as in the post below. now i speak of a much much much more admirable, respectable individual.my father. i only wish i had had more time with himand i wonder. if he is sittin up above staring down at me while i blog this postknowing that i have THAT much work ahead of meoh godi dont even wana think what else he knows about what i get up to*major shudders*ok enough randomnessi shld blog like this morescrew the audience. there is none anywayi write. for me :)
my hatred for you.for i hate you only as much as i loved you before. "someday we'll know why i wasn't meant for you"and if by some stupid coincidence you read this.for God's sake, do not think anything of it. your ego is already beyond anything known to mankind as it is.im over you. all you are now is the bitter aftertaste. *spit* 
otakku berat!
my my.. i have been like gila babi crazy busy at work this week.
so much so that the hours fly by and by God, for the first time ever since I started work.. I found myself wishing that the days were longer cos i just had THAT much more to do
@_@
and being the pemalas that i am. aiseh.. this is taking a toll on my head.
my brains ache. physically.
plus. i told myself that this week, i would stay home more.
spend time with mom. REST.
i have been zipping everywhere like a crazed energizer bunny on E ever since I got back from my Chinese New Year get away to my cousins place in Johor.
the lack of activity I had during those 5 days or so was both crazy good and crazy bad at the same time.Nur during CNY11am - eyes open. wah lau. so early still. jom tido lagi. 1230 - ala, i can't hear anyone calling for lunch yet. a bit more1245 - okla.. im hungry wei. drag myself outa bed. shower. troop down for MASSIVE lunch cos my aunt is the Goddess of Cooking1330 - sit in the living room, gettin all comfy. watchin my nephew run around pretending to be 'Ultraman' . (of all the superheroes la kan? choose la something a bit more mod.. like.. i duno.. johnny bravo. i don't watch the cartoons anymore so im really clueless in this area, but still. Ultraman is like damn.. ol skool la. macam the colour pun faded. hmm )1345 - zzzzzz1530 - oops. did i fall asleep? damn. okla.. let's read..*In between - snacking incessantly on just about everything I can lay my chubby fingers on. keropok. some butter cookie. pineapple tarts the size of a pau. n more stuff i dont know the names of. 1630 - ok my eyes hurt. lets watch my prison break. * More snacking1730 - Samuel goes " What's your name again? " Can I watch your tv? I wanna watch Ultraman" 'Ultraman Ultraman Ultraman" gaahhhhh . "Ultraman Tiga. Ultraman Gaia. Ultraman Cosmos. Ultraman Ace. Ultra-fuckin-man-Taro." how many different types of that 130ft monster thing do the kids need really????the 2 yr old kid can fix up the dvd player all by himself. control the laptop. n god knows what else?! geez.. what was i doin at age 2? o right. i was reading :) books upside down :)) * More snacking1900 - my cousins who have been dutifully working with their Dad on his fruit orchard return all mosquito bite ridden *yech * and the house is noisy again1930 - oops. i might have fallen asleep somewhere in between there. but yes. DINNER time :) 2030 - try talking my cousins into playin mahjong with me2100 - read or watch more tv/prison break* More snacking?? - ATTEMPT to sleep but cough my lungs to 7th heaven in the processrinse & repeat for 5 days straight
plus multiple screenings of Ultraman on DVD
can die ok.
and you wonder where the 7kilos came from
go figure
**************************
on another note
im so annoyed at how people just do not bother to READ properly
instead, they'd scan thru something & waste both your's & their time asking stupid mundane questions that could'v been answered had they just bloody read the info properly.
bastards.
im so not gona layan ok
iv got a template mail.
all i do is change the name
hahh!!!