Nur Zakuan
writing to a non-audience pleases me.
August 2007 September 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009
falling fallingfallingthis is it. im standing on the ledge.any sudden gusts of wind, and im gone.why do u do this to yourself, they ask*speechless*just when i thought i was finally clearing out a few items from my overflowing platethen in came moreon the slightly bright sideim not aloneand i see the light at the end of the tunnelfinallylets hope it doesnt dim out by the time i get thereit feels like such a long way away...
thats what you get when you stretch yourself this thinwhy do i keep doing this to myself? don't i ever learn?this time, its pretty bad.u know those days, when u feel like.. u dont know how to feel. or like u just dont feel. or maybe you do.where you don't know what to do with yourself. you don't know if you want to be with people, or you want to be alone.you are empty & full , both at once.you are lonely & anti-social, all at once.days like today.times like now.
i call outbut no one even hears me"listen. or your tongue will make you deaf"
spontaneity. good company. mos burger. sunny days. jumpin nites. a lotta walking. shared airconds. 24hr mcdonalds. sleepy immigration officers. friendly young singaporeans. bugis backpackers. prime ministers private residences. blurry photos. grafitti. starbuck juices. afternoon naps. more mos burgers. even more walking. trees. 5hr bus rides. free food.coincidences. morning visits. shisha. hugs. unpronouceable arab food. maps. photos of maps. mrts. 30min queues. lights. aching shoulders. smiles.= fantasy
tuesday. 6:25am. sleepless. in room alone. uploading pics. dreadin work in 3.5 hrs. hunger. loneliness. runaway. uncertainty. dreams. nightmares. tv.dependency. = reality
don't you wish you lived life in fantasy too?
*slap*
God does workthis past weekend & week since iv been rather oddly volunteering to spend more time ( and less money) at home. its got me thinkingits so odd how things unravel. at the oddest moments. fathom not you may at that point in time, but therein lies the beauty, dont u say? if all were to be stark clear and transparent. then life would be nothing more than a connect the dots book where all dots are neatly lined up one next to the other. with someone standin behind you . instructin you every step of the way. no. fun. at . all.i heard this yesterday. you yearn to protect those whom you love the best you can. but you cant protect them from everything. u gota fall before you learn how to get up. cry before you smile. an old friend appeared again, like an angel that she is. she told me . to never forsake your true desires & wants. not for anyone. i see how i should learn from her mistakes. but at the same time. i cannot bring myself to. but thought i have put to it, lest her words go to waste.everything happens for a reason. i believe it more and more with each passing day.iv gota get it donetimes a wasting
© Dianne Sawatzky
n by that i mean me :)my old excuse was that i was too busy & my home pc was downnow its up again im still busy but..:))im a happy bunny todayiv been surfing for fonts for my secret project ;) which i hope to complete by... mid year! thats a realistic target, id sayespecially for a self-admitted lousy decision maker cum procrastinator iv pretty much got what i want locked down. now to follow thruvery quicklyfor the first time this whole week, its 5pm and im not hungry yetamazingmore randomnessthis stupid volvo driver refused to move his stupid ugly 'big fancy' car when an ambulance was trying to pass thru yesterday at a traffic lighti got so muthafckin pissed off that i was honkin n flashin the fella, and 5 mins later.. AFTER the ambulance had somehow pushed thru.. he moved-____- "big car does not equal smart driverwhat if it was his momma in that ambulance who needed those crucial 5 mins to stay alive?arghh.. yes im emo, but seriouslyppl value life way too little for their own good nowadaysu dont know what you have till its gonedinner tonite, then drinks with people whose company i enjoywhat better way is there to spend a friday night?p/s: i will tell u about next weekend's plans later.. but.. eeeee.. so exciting laaaa. bianca lee yenn is my hero (she angry at me cos she wants to leave the office n im still blogging, oops?!)
