does it matter?
of course it does

its 6am
again

i like being the kettle

oh wow
its not the first time
but it never fails to impress me

just how things just fall into place
how similar certain things can turn out

u remind me of someone very near & dear
trust me
its a good thing :)

on a monday, i shall :)

any different?

my.wrists.are.burning

of many more steps to come

i didn't wake up

i suffer from bouts of sleep paralysis
it scares me like fuck





wtf is that?

i wikipedia-ed it





Sleep paralysis is a common condition characterized by transient partial or total paralysis of skeletal muscles and areflexia that occurs upon awakening from sleep or less often while falling asleep. Stimuli such as touch or sound may terminate the episode, which usually has a duration of seconds to minutes. This condition may occur in normal subjects or be associated with narcolepsy, cataplexy, and hypnagogic hallucinations.

in short.
when i sleep sometimes, i can't wake up, as best as i try to
i can see my arms, legs, surroundings
but i just can't move them



today's episode involved a feeling of coldness sweeping across my body
numbness
at least this time there were no voices

apparently theres treatment
some pills to take before u go to bed


but..
i hate pills
bah! i'll deal with it my own way

ever had a nightmare you just wanted to wake up from
try this
it kicks any nightmare's balls
its real





this bastard has always scared the living shit outa me
but
it still doesn't come close to my 'episodes'
:(

nur the english teacher

that should go next to my job title

yes i am the comms rep
yes i will edit your work before we let it out in the open & leave ourselves open to public humuliation

but my god
sometimes i think i should rewrite the definition of the word 'edit' specifically for this context

or maybe
i should just have written it all myself
it already feels like that

*throws hands up in air*
*slumps back in chair*
*rolls eyes in disbelief*

where has my friday gone?

go to thailand for new years!

from that one entry in my To Do list

its the end of the day
and a new friend made me smile like a cow

it was this comment exactly that did it for me

"but i came to love my boobies and shit..."

i lost it

nearly giggled myself off my chair

ok
kickboxing time
nur vs the rain + the long lonely ulu highway first

that was what Davey called me

"oh, but in a good way", 3 secs later

"but you're not today. hmm..."

over lunch
i think he proved the saying

pot calling the kettle black

rather well

har har Davey

:P

happy happy joy joy

we thrive when we are afraid
the fear of the unknown bring out the best in people
out of your comfort zone, we can fly



i've never liked being alone
that is a fact



i could never use to understand how some people enjoyed it so
i found it ...
unnerving



although when i think about it now
you are with yourself
with the person who knows you the best
or should.could.would.
will.



i will be honest
i am alone
i have never felt more alone than this



oh yes. there was kuching.
10,000 humans
1 me



i felt the strangest sense of satisfaction
walking amongst strangers
too many
but none

10,000 but 1


im goin back there now
to find that peace
my peace




save me
i will

me now

perhaps this is what i need

perhaps

time to reflect
time to be

me

i can't stop grinning

• to that cina for taking in what i didn't want anymore. all of which that was never good enough for me
• to God that this mistake wasn't as public as it could've been
• to you for being incomparably unbelievably amazing.tigerrawr

Ternyata - Estrella

Aku lihat dia pandangan
pertama
Ternyata indah
Senyuman, Liriknya

Ku ingin dia, saat pertama
Berjumpa, dengannya
Membuat ku gelisah

Waktu berlalu hari demi hari
Hatiku dambakannya
Untuk bercinta lagi

can't you tell?