Nur Zakuan
writing to a non-audience pleases me.
August 2007 September 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009
ugh. even the sound of her voice annoys memy fuse is only as short as the hours iv been sleepingits been close to 2 weeks since iv had any 'me' timeany time to do nothingto sleepto bleah outnext week is bali week with momwill i survive 5 days of just 1:1 ?o wellanything is better than half-witted fools who sit around the officetai chi-ing their work to you whilst they chat n giggle on the phoneits ok thoeveryone knows u dont do shitn next week.. your boss will toomuahahahahhaahtoo bad i cant use fern's pregnancy excuse for my bitchinessthen again.. i dont need toim a bitch with reason
post ms
im sure it exists
i have it
i also have the plague
or at least, thats what it feels like
even the flies dont want me
why would a cow?
its funny how i think i can bluff myself
with the truth revealing itself only in my reactions
god im such a bad liar
i cant even lie to myself
fail
fail
fail
i wish i was better at taking my own advicei tell u these thingsi wish i could do myselfmy mind runs at the speed of light in a universe outside our ownso vast in its spaceheld back by nothing but memories... and faithand tear out that seed of doubt that a one liner planted in that mind of mineit doesnt pay to have shit for brainstheres too much fertiliserif i had a leash.. would you hold it?
i remember u saying to me once"wow,ur easy to please. i didn't even do anything"or something along those lines"well yeah, that's the point. you don't have to"said methat part still hasn't changedtoo many a time do we run this race, fast and faster... do we want strive to gowithout stopping to smell the roseswe miss out on the littlest thingsthe greatest thingsthe things that really mean somethinggive them an inch.. and they want a mileit's always like that with us humanswe always want morewe always look around n say, damn she's doin way better than i amdemmit, why am i so unlucky?and not the other way aroundah. i take pleasure in the small thingsand sometimes... in nothing at alllifes too short to waste it sulking all dayso for now, the small things will have to doit is not the bestbut it is better than nothing at all...
and so i smile :)